Gilbobear!
by Evil Hamster God
Summary: Meaningless. Hope you'll enjoy, includes everything sick that comes to my mind.
1. Hungary's VR : OCCUPIED!

_Here you go~_

* * *

The room was dark. It was somewhere around 1am. Suddenly, the sheets moved and something jumped out of the bed and then through the window.

* * *

Hungary was sleeping, dreaming inappropriate stuff.

"This is SO going in my next fanfic..." she murmured and snored.

Something made a loud glass-breaking noise. Hungary opened her eyes. She looked around the room, reaching for the frying pan unde rher pillow.

"Oh...I was probably just dreaming." she sighed after her fingers had a tight grip of the pan's handle. She layed down again, not letting her trusted weapon go.

A minute after she closed her eyes, she heard steps near the bed...Her heart started bumping faster and faster, she was too scared to open her eyes. This presense of whoever...or whatever was by her be4d was strong and frightening, almost demonic.

She felt the sheets being pulled down. She got thew courage to open her eyes and attempted to beat the living hell out of thew thing, but she was paralysed by what she saw. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out of her mouth. She could only stare at the creature for a few seconds, then it noticed it was spotted. It let out a growling noise and jumped on her. It ripped off her clothes and covered her mouth with a paw. She tried to scream, but no sound went pass the creature's thick fur.

* * *

Prussia was humming something almost as awesome as him and went to Austria's house completely uninvited.

He stopped by the door because he heard whining.

"It was horrible, Roderich...I...I don't think I'll be able to go over it."

"No, no, it's ok...I'm here, I won't let that happen to you."

"HELLO, SILLY WEAKLINGS!" Prussia bardged in completely unmoved by Hungary's state.

"GILBERT, YOU FUCKING SON OF A WHORE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Hungary yelled at him like a telletubby would yell at a Ferbie.

"Graping you."

"Gilbert, I have no intention of dealing with you right now, so go home."

"I HAVE NO HOME, CUZ YOU'RE ADOPTED!"

Hungary pulled a frying pan from under the couch and threw it at Prussia.

"OUT, BASTARD! OR I'LL TIE YOU UP AND I'LL 2$&*$*%$ WITH A $%*&$*^ $%&$^ #$^$%&^*#%^*#&#*&^%%*&$#%^#%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Okay, okay, you foolish mortals do not deserve the attention of the awesome ore-sama anyways~ Bye."

* * *

He blew up the door of Germany's house since he forgot his keys and, leaving mud traces as he walked to his room (there wasn't any mud outside so he went through the trouble of making some by borrowing Finland's dog and some water). When he opened the door he let out a terrified scream. His brother left one of his dolls at his room becaus ehe knew Gilbert was deathly afraid of them.

"WEST YOU BASTARD! GET THIS THING OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Noone was home.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" he ran down the stairs when the doll...looked at him? and he grabbed the phone.

"WHOSHOULDICALLWHOSHOULDICALLWHOSHOULDICAAAALLLLL" he dialed a random number and waited for a response.

"Hello?" a female voice answered.

"LIECHTENSTEIN? IS THAT YOU? COME HERE RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!!!!"

"Uhm...Who is this?"

"CAN'T YOU RECODNISE THE AWESOME ME, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PEASANT?!!!?!"

"Oh, Prussia...Oh...kay, I'll come..."

He locked himself in the bathroom and started singing Du hast while waiting for the girl to come.

"Gilbert-san?" she knocked on the door.

He opened carefully and pointed at the direction.

Liechtenstein opened the door to his room and stared at the...thing for around 5 seconds. "What's with the...chains?"

"It's West's."

"Ah, I see." she grabbe done of the dolls handcuffs and threw it out the window because the author's too lazy to think of anything else.

"Veeeeeeeeeeeeee~ Ouch! Oh, hey, you're Doitsu's friend, arenchu?" a voice came outside the house.

"Okay, the doll's not here anymore, you can come in."

"Haha, I could thank you but that would probably offend you, since I'm awesome."

"If you say so." she left.

Gilbert pulled something from under his bed. it was a black notebook with a glued over paper with "Gilbo" written on it on the first word on the cover and a "Note" as the second word.

'Haha, I really got a good deal...I found this laying right infront of Belarus's place. I'm so awesome." he opened it and wrote:

"Hungary' vital regions-invaded and forcefully taken over." he started laughing like a maniac. "Alright now, let's see who's next...Mm...Liechtenstein? Yees." He wrote her name in the notebook, then he closed it and put it back under the bed.

* * *

"Hey, Belarus, where's your Death Note?" a strange looking creature asked the girl.

"Oh, that one was defective. When I wrote someone's name in it, they grew bunny ears for a week."

* * *

Austria looked at Hungary's head.

"Are you cosplaying or something?'

"What? Oh...I...I'm not really suprised after what happened."

"Oh, alright then. Care for a cake?"

* * *

Iceland pressed the red button and Sealand's place blew up.

"ICELAND, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOOOR!" the little so-called nation yelled.

"I just don't like you. You're short. And small. And I'm cuter than you."

'THAT'S NOT TRUE, I'M THE CUTEST!"

"I must disagree." Norway appeared out of nowhere and hugged Iceland.

* * *

_Each time you don't review a baby Huldra dies ;(_

_No trolling or I'LL TIE YOU TO A RADIATOR AND GRAPE YOU!!!! MJWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! THEN I'LL GET YOUR PARENTS AND LOCK YOU ALL IN MY BASEMENT AND GRAPE YOU FOR DECADES AND DECADES AND DECAAADES!_

_I just HAD to make fun of Sealand. Cuz he's small. And useless. And kills Iceland's penguins._


	2. Liechtenstein But mostly randomness

Liechtenstein was sleeping in her room. The room was dark, but the moon was giving out a bright whitish...blue light trace from the window to the bottom of her bed.

The curtains slightly moved and Liechtenstein opened her eyes. There was nothing there and she closed them again.

3 seconds later something grabbed her mouth and she let a silenced scream.

-Gute nacht, kleines Mädchen~

* * *

Switzerland woke up and looked around the room. He heard strange noises and grabbed his gun. He quitly got out of the bed and walked through the room. He took a few steps and the sounds stopped. He gasped as hi felt he stept on something. He lift his foot and looked at the remote.

-Oh...Ooooooooooooooh. Right. The TV. - he took the remote and turned the TV on.

-Yep...-he glared at the Playboy channel.-Not...not that I know how...how that got..there...I mean...Uhm...

-SHUT UP AND SLEEP WITH ME!-a voice came from the bed.

-Coming, honey...-he returned to his slumbering place.-Goodnight~-he hugged his shotgun.

* * *

Bulgaria yawned and drank the rest of the wine in the bottle.

-Serbia, you know, I was totally against Kosovo. But my boss was a fuckn asshole. You know I love you, you dirty slut.

-Haha, dude...Eu beau, iar tu eşti beat.-said Romania and emptied his bottle as well.

-Yavaş yavaş-said Turkey and stole some baklava from Greece's plate.

-It's ok, Bulgaria. - sighed Serbia and drank some more rakiya. - As long as you give me booze, I'll forgive you.

-Nice to hear that. Boiko will help us change. Suck it, Stanishev. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-Bulgaria helped himself to some rakiya as well.-TIH BYAL DUNAV SE VALNUVAA, VESELO SHUMII!

-BOOM! - yelled Romania and started laughing histerically.

-TIIIIIIIH BYAL DUUUNAV SEE VALNUUUVA, VESEELOOOO SHUMIIIIIIIIIII! IIIII RADETZKIII GOOORDO PLUUWA POOOOO ZLATNI VALNIIIIIIII III RADETZKIII GORDO PLUUVAAA POOOO ZLATNI VALNIIIIIIIIIIII! Weee~

-I'm feeling uncomfotable.-said Turkey and pulled Greece's plate infront of him.

-CALL ME NII-SAN!-Macedonia jumped out of nowhere and yelled at Bulgaria.

-...What?

-Oh, oh, great, you ruined his patriotism, hope you're happy, Macedonia. - frowned Romania and grabbed a new bottle.

-Call me "баааат-коооо.

-Why?

-Because I'm your batko, asshole.

-You're not my батко, I'M YOUR БАТКО!

-You, like, shouldn't even exist.-said Turkey.

-You shut up!

-Uhm...he is kinda right, since you were originally part of me, sooo...I won't be accepting you as any kind of relative.

-That's discrimination!

-Get used to it.-growled Serbia and threw a bottle at him.

-But...

-Get. Lost.-Bugaria glared at him.

-Yeah, go play with Albania and Montenegro. Oh, oh, and Bosnia and KOSOVO. Hahahahaha-laughed out Romania.

-You...you...

-GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TERRIRORRY OR I'LL SHOOT YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!-yelled Bulgaria.

Macedonia ran away, screaming.

-Weren't you kinda harsh, Beegee?

-I'm not hearing anything about being harsh from you, Turkey.

-Oh, right...

-Калинка, калинка, калинка, мая~ Като ягода в градинка, калинка мая~-Bulgaria continued singing and drinking rakiya.

-Hello!-Russia appeared out of nowhere, carrying some sunflowers.

-Russia-san!-Bulgaria happily ran off to him.

-Hello, hello, Bulgaria-kun! Did you hear that Liechtenstein got raped by a bear?

-...Who?

-I wanted to give Bulgaria-kun this, since I don't want him to get hurt. That bear only targets the smaller countries for now, so just to be safe, take this magic sunflower and whenever you're in trouble, an angel will come and he'll pwn whatever's frightening you.

-Awhhh, thanks Russia-san! Where did you get it from, by the way?

-Your garden.

-Wh....

-Byebye now~ Kalinka, Kalinka, Kalinka maya! Vsadu yagoda malinka, malinka maya!

* * *

Prussia was in front of the door, searching his pockets for something.

-Oh god...OH, GOD, NOT AGAIN! DOITS....I mean, WEEEEEEST, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!

Germany looked around the room.

-Hm, I feel like I have to do something....Oh well, I still have work to do, so screw it.

Gilbert kicked the door several times and gasped for air.

-Stupid bastard, forgetting me my keys...

-Prussia-san!

-GET LOST YOU F...Oh, oh, wait, Italy, I need you to do something for me.

* * *

-DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU

-Okay, okay, that's enough...

- DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU

-Italy...

-DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU DOITSU

-SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORON!

-Oh, sorry, I got carried away.

-Idiot. He'll be here soon, so go away now.

-What about my pastaa?~

-I told Spain to make you pasta, so go to his house.

-Wow, Prussia-san, you're so thoughtful!

-I know, I know.

-ITALY!

-Oh Weeeeeeeest, hiii.

-Nii-san?

-Yes, yes, good ol' nii san. Could you kindle lend me your keys?

-Why do you always forget them?

-Yes, I tend to do so, don't I?...Thank you very much.-Gilbert opened the door.

-Give them back.

-Oh, right. Okay, bye now!

-W...

Prussia slammed the door.

* * *

-Marienkäfer, Marienkäfer, Marienkäfer Hefe. Wie Erdbeeren im Garten, Malinka Hefe~

Gilbert skipped on to his room and took out the Gilbonote.

-Ok, Liechtenstein~ -he wrote her name below Hungary's and laughed like a maniac.

* * *

-Hey, Belarus, have you found the Death note yet?

-I haven't searched for it. It was defective anyway. If you write a name in it, do person grows rabbit ears and becomes sexually attracted to Austrians. Who would want that?

* * *

-Austria~-Hungary hopped on the man. -I wanna play!

-E...Elisaveta...Don't...don't touch me there...

-Brother?-Liechtenstein poked Switzerland.

-What is it?

-I lost my virginity.

-WHAT? WITH WHO?

-A bear took it away from me...

-A bear?

-Yes.

-...What colour?

-...White?

-Oh, okay then.

-RACIST!-Winnie the Pooh cried out and jumped out of a Window.

-Veee~ A bear! AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAH, NOOO, DON'T! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH MY ARM NOOOOOOOOO!

-It told me Guttenacht.

-It did?-Switzerland lowered his gun and walked away from the window.

-Yes...

-Then I'll pay a friend a visit...

* * *

-ELISAVETA, STOP IT!

-Why? I'm sure you like it Roddie~

-IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE!

-I WANT YOU!

-AUSTRIA!-Switzerland barged in, pointing a gun at Roderich.

-What now?..

-YOU KNOW VERY WELL, YOU...

-AUSTRIA-SAAAAAAN-Liechteinstein ran pass her brother and jumped on Austria.

-LIECHTENSTEIN! WHAT ARE YOU...Are...are those...bunny ears?

-Liechtenstein, will you help me?-asked Hunagry and smiled at the girl.

-Of course I will, Hungary-san!

-Okay, hold his hands...

-NO, NO, STOP IT! SWITZERLAND, SWITZERLAND, HELP ME!

-HUNGARY!

-Yes?

-Where was that bitch of yours last night?

-Why here with me~

-Oh...allright.-said Switzerland and walked out of the room.

-DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE WITH THEM!

* * *

-てんとう虫、てんとう虫、酵母、てんとう虫。庭、Malinka 酵母でイチゴのような . -sang Japan while cleaning his Multimedia screen.

-Aph!-said his cat while cleaning its fur.

* * *

-Maríuerlu, maríuerlu, maríuerlu ger. Eins og jarðarber í garðinum, Malinka ger...

-What are you singing, Iceland?

-I have no idea, Norway.

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-Finland ran pass them.

-Nyckelpiga, nyckelpiga, Ladybug jäst. Såsom jordgubbar i trädgården, Malinka jäst~ - Su-san was yelling and chasing him.

* * *

-Ladybug, ladybug, ladybug yeast. Such as strawberries in the garden, Malinka yeast~

-Maya doesn't mean yeast...-said USA.

-What?

-It's just for the song to sound more pretty...It doesn't really mean anything.

-Oh..kay?

Serbia kicked down the door.

- IF I HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME I'LL GO PSYCHO AND KILL YOU ALL MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Please stop singing it.

-Калинка...-Bulgaria laughed evilly behind him.

* * *

-So...who should be next?

-What are you doing Prussia-kun?~

-AAAH RUSSIA!

-^^

-HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE YOU DIRTY PIG?!

-Through the door, dummy~

A rock broke a window's glass and it hit Prussia's head.

-HA-HA YOU FORGOT TO LOCK YOUR DOOR!-laughed out South Italy and ran away.

* * *

**Gilbo: That...didn't make any sense.**

**Me: Wasn't supposed to.**

**Gilbo: Isn't this fanfic about me?**

**Me: It is?**

**Gilbo: THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU WRITE SO MUCH ABOUT THE BALCANS?**

**Me: Cuz I wanted to. Hahaha.**

**Gilbo: *takes out a sword***

**Me: AAH *runs away***


	3. Belarus: Again completely lacking logic

Belarus was writing a poem about her brother. She sighed slightly. Why didn't he love her?

Wait, someone was behind her. She turned around. Oh, a bear.

-So you are the rumored bear who rapes people?

-Rawr.

-Alright then. - Belarus took out a chainsaw. - I wanna put you on my wall...But you're too big, so I'll reduce you a bit...hope you don't mind. Oh, hello there, Prussia.

-Oh !#$! - Gilbert jumped out of the window. - !

-Veee~ - a voice from outside was heard. -Oh, Prussia-san, is that you? Haha, you fell on me. Wait...wait...what are you...Prussia-san....DOITSU, DOITSU!!!

* * *

-OH MY GOD! ENGLAND, ENGLAND, ENGLAND, ENGLAND, ENGLAND, ENGLAND, ENGLAND....

-WHAT?! - England yelled and hit his head on the shelf.

-LOOK, LOOK, IT'S A LADYBUG!

-And YOU are a moron, America.

-It's so cuute! Ladybuug, ladybuug, ladybuug YEAST!

-Wait, wait, didn't you say maya wasn't yeast?

-You're imagining stuff.

-I....I'm pretty sure you said it.

-It's possible.

-Then why did you...

-Dude, you have a problem with me or something?

-No, no, but...

-Then STFU. Please. You're irritating.

-I'm...what...now?

-Hello my darlings!~ - France burst through the door and looked at England - You drank last night, didn't you?

-Did he ever! - America yelled.

-OH DON'T DO THAT I HAVE A HEADACHE! - England screamed in pain.

-It's a hangover. - France laughed.

-Я СОШЛА С УМААААААААААААА, Я СОШЛА С УМААААААААААААААААААА - Russia appeared out of nowhere and yelled at England's ear. - Good morning, da~?

-STOP SAYING DA AFTER EVERY SENTENCE, IT'S REALLY STRESSFULL! - Bulgaria got up from the bed.

-Oh...Oh god. - England said.

-BULGARI BEATSI FTW!! - Romania yelled out and fell out of the bed.

-Alright...This is really awkard.

-You think? -Spain got out of the bed too.

-I only came just now, Macedonia painted my house pink so I hired Romania to...Romania?

-Right, sorry, I'll be going. - Romania dragged himself out of the room while laughing histerically for no apparent reason.

-I'll be going too. - Bulgaria put his top on and went out.

-He didn't come just now, he just didn't want England-san to be stressed, da~. -Russia said and smiled. - Spain-kun, could you put a bottom on?

-Ahaha, sure, but England-san will have to clean up his bed. - Spain also left the room.

-Ha. HAHAHAHA. - America choked on his laugh. - I'll...I'll be going now too. Have fun cleaning up.

- I would love to watch, but i Have work to do, da~. Goodbye, England-kun, da~!

England stared at the bed.

-Did they leave?

-F...France?

-Wait a second before you clean it up, would you? It feels nice...

-France, what are you...DON'T...DON'T LOCK THE DOOR! FRANCE! HEEEEELP! ALFRED! RUSSIA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

-I'll make you feel good, baby~ - France had a perverted smirk on his face.

* * *

-Oh, you're Tatu, aren't you? - Russia smiled as two girls appeared behinf his desk.

-We are. -they answered.

-Haha, how cute. Please sing something.

-Like they could. - Romania laughed out. - My Inna can PWN them any time, anywhere!

-You're discriminating us. - Randi said.

-Oh, you're boys, so nobody thinks ytou're cute. I mean, look at Inna, isn't she cuuuuuuute?~

-Yulia and Lena are cuter than her, da~.

-GIRL FIGHT!

Inna jumped at Tatu, rawring. Yulia also jumped at her and they were now fighting on the floor. Truly epic battle.

-5 bucks on the russian chick. - Poland said. - Oh, my popcorn's ready, brb.

* * *

-This is becoming a serious problem. We can't let any more of us get hurt. Belarus was lucky.

-It wasn't that bad.- Liechtenstein smiled.

-Yeah...Meow...-Hungary looked at Austria, who shivered.

-I wonder if he wrote my name in the Death note... - Belarus thought.

-Belarus, did you see his face? Do you know who he is?

-...No.

-Are you sure?

-My sister wouldn't lie, Germany-kun, da~.

-Allright...Hey, why are we the only ones here?

-I haven't seen England and France since this morning, Romania-kun's in the infirmary, Bulgaria-kun is sleeping, Greece-kun too, so is Turkey, Serbia is stalking Kosovo and Macedonia, Prussia-san isn't a nation, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia are preparing dinner, Ukraine nee-chan didn't want to come,Iceland-kun too, Norway-kun also, Denmark is in the infirmary, Sweden is at the police station for physical violence, Finland-kun's with him, Sealand-kun wasn't invited, Italy-kun's at the psychologist, Spain-kun's planting tomatoes with Romano-kun, China, Japan and Korea-kun don't care and someone else is missing but I don't know who, da~.

-...How did you know what they all were doing?

-You would like to know, wouldn't you?~ What would you do for me if I tell you?

-I would like not to know better, thank you.

* * *

-That was close.-Prussia sighed and dropped on his bed. - I'm sorry, Italia-chan, but you were at the wrong place at the wrong time...OHMYGOD I HAVE A NEW GAIA FRIEND REQUEST! Ohhh, it's a girl! Lol, prolly wants me to help her with quests...Do your puzzlez, bitch.

-Nii-san...

-Oh, West, how ya doing?

-Good, thank you...Would you happen to know where my doll is? I looked for it everywhere.

-Oh...oh...the doll. I...Have no idea. Did you try Italia-chan's house?

-No, I haven't...What would it be doing there?

-Gr...Err...I don't know, but he does like playing with your stuff. That didn't sound right...

-Okay, I'm gonna check...Do you want something?

-Can you get me a lollipop?

-Eh...sure.

Germany went out the door. Now Prussia was bored again.

-I KNOW! I'M GONNA SING RAMMSTEIN TO AUSTRIA! - he grabbed the phone and dialed a number.

-He....Hello? - an Austria with a shivering voice answered.

-YOU HAVE A PUSSY, I HAVE A DIIIICK, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? LET'S DO IT QUICK!

-AAAAAAAAH HU8NGARY STOP IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - he started crying.

-...Eh...What? TAKE ME NOW, OH DON'T YOU SEEE, I CAN'T GET LAID IN GERMANYYYYYY!

-...Liechtenstein?

-It's Prussia, you dimwit.

-Oh...Oh god...Prussia...I'm so glad to hear you! - he started crying again.

-...Alright, ytou're creeping me out now.

-It was horrible...Hungary first and then Liechtenstein too...They...they DID STUFF to me...I'm scared...It hurts...

-Uh... - Prussia wanted to ask WHAT hurts, but he decided he didn't need to know.

-They're stalking me and talking strange stuff on the phone and...JESUS, IT'S BELARUS!

-...What?

-SHE'S HOLDING A STRANGE THING...AND SHE ALSO HAS STRANGE EARS ON HER HEAD...PRUSSIA, HELP ME!!!!

-HELL NO I'M NOT MESSING WITH BELARUS! - Prussia slammed the phone and looked at the laptop. - Oh, a PM...Ohhh, that chick from earlier's asking me if I like little girls...I guess I do? - he typed something in. - Oh...A picture...OH GOD!...This isn't bad...

* * *

Iceland and Norway were laying on a sunny meadow. Norway was patting a bunny. It was so cute and fluffy...He felt his brother get closer to him and lay his head on Norway's chest and hugging him.

Norway smiled and lifted the bunny. He put it next to Iceland and put his hand on his brother's head.

-...I love you, nii-san.- Iceland said and hugged the bunny.

-I love you too, Iceland-chan...

* * *

...By the way, Yulia won.


End file.
